“MOM,
YOU NEED TO COME UP HERE!!!!” I yell at the top of the stairs. She comes
running up the stairs. I don’t think I have ever seen my mother move that fast
in my life. I just point to my room at the end of the hallway. Before I even
knew it she was in my room, with me right on her heals.
***
I
was lying on Travis bed completely avoiding my work. I look around his room it
was always neat, so he never really had to do much. My room on the other hand
even when it was clean it was never truly organized. I should be in there
cleaning but I just don’t feel like it. That’s when an awesome song came on the
radio in my room, I sighed to myself, got up and walk to my room.
****
I
see that flames have engulfed my stereo they must be three feet high. I turn on
my heels and run down the hall. “MOM, YOU NEED TO COME UP HERE!!!!” I yell at
the top of the stairs. She comes running up the stairs. I don’t think I have
ever seen my mother move that fast in my life. I just point to my room at the
end of the hallway. Before I even knew it she was in my room, with me right on
her heals. She grabs a pillow from my bed and starts beating the flames.
I like the way you scramble the time sequence--you handle that gracefully and it's effective.
ReplyDeleteHow about ending this piece like this: "She grabs a pillow from my bed and starts beating the flames...."
A vignette sometimes works best when it pulls up just short of the finish line!