Magic potion.

I’m walking down Main Street then I spot a going out of business sign I hang a right into the store. It takes a few minutes for my eyes to adjust to the dim lights. I see an extremely cluttered room full of tapestries, incenses and books. Behind the counter is a wall full of small bottles I can only guess that they are magic potions, I smile and start singing love potion number 9 in my head. I look up and make eye contact with the store owner.

“What is in all bottles?” I ask

“Anything you want them to be.” he replies

I think to myself that he is full it. “Well how about a truth serum?” I say sarcastically

He reaches his hand back without even looking and picks up a bright green bottle. It has no label and no price tag.

“How much is it?” I inquire.

He knows I don’t believe it would work.

“Just go ahead and take it, come back and play for it after you found the answer you are looking for.”  His voice sounded kind of magical.

I walk out into the sunlight, now I can understand why he is going out of business. The whole way home I was thinking who should I give it to, what answers do I want to find. At the same time I don’t want to hurt someone or change them. I couldn’t give it to anyone because I don’t really want to know what they think or is it safe. I could give it to myself, yes that is perfect I am my own mystery.

I take a deep breath and drink the potion down in one gulp. I feel my body tingle and come to life. It only takes a few moments and I know it’s time to start talking to myself.

“Why do you second guess yourself all the time?” I ask out load. The answers come to me like a message board at Fenway.

‘I want to please everyone and myself at the sometime. I worry about saying the wrong thing and people finally understanding that in not perfect.’

“Some would say that you are a great friend others would not. Do you think you are a good friend?”

As soon as this question was asked I had a feeling of dread. I think of all the friends lost over the years.

‘I know I am nowhere near an ideal friend, I’m judgmental and overbearing. I can be selfish and jealous. But I do love unconditionally and give supportive advice. To put it simply I would love to have a friend like me. That does sound a little conceited.’

I can start feeling the potion losing it effect I have time for one last question.

“What do you fear?”

   ‘I fear death, but not my own. I don’t want to see my Grandmother or parents die. Thinking of the death of my brothers, sister, cousin or friends makes me sick on the inside. Losing my husband would be horrible, but what scares me the most of all is having to deal with my son dying. I want to weep just thinking about it, I know it’s selfish to not want to live after his death. I have lived through my share of death; the pain is still very strong even 18 years later.’

I lay my head in my hands and cry for my lost family, my childhood friend and the little boy at my son’s school that died this weekend. I feel weak and unsure of myself. I do know now it was better for me to take this potion, I couldn’t have lived with myself if I ever gave it to a friend, because the truth hurts.     

Rewrite - What would you like to be paid to talk about?

Over the years I have wanted to be many things florist, psychologist, garbage man/woman, business owner, banker, environmental conservation and a consultant. Pretty much all of them have faded way, the only one that still would like to be is a consultant. But a consultant of what you may ask? Well of my own opinion, it would kind of be like a life couch. Today’s my first client; we sit down and get right to it.

“What would you like to start with?” I say.

“A lot has happened in the last year, I have married the man of my dreams, graduated from college and we bought our first home.” My client starts. “Now I’m suppose to just live all the work should be done. But it just isn’t falling into place.”

Without her going any further, I know where the brake down is. I explain a few facts about life some of us just don’t know.

“Everything we do in life is going to be work, with a divorce rate of about 50% that’s the one relationship people don’t want to put the hours into. If he is the man of your dreams, then you should be the woman of his dreams. Some people say within your marriage, the best thing to do is put your spouse first I don’t agree, you need to put yourself first (that is until you have children, then everything changes). A healthy relationship is about give and take. Before you even get married you need to know what your deal breakers. An example do you want children and he doesn’t. Do not, I repeat do not marry him and think you can change him. That also goes for him also. I believe that a successful career is easier to obtain then a successful marriage. Remember that you are two different people trying to live a joint life; this will not work without a well thought out plan and knowing that it will be changing all the time.”

“Just because you have a college degree doesn’t mean that a dream job comes with it. All we can hope for is that a job comes at all. Sometime in our lives we have to take a job that is below us, think of every job as a work experience. No one is too good to clean toilets or serve people food. The only thing a college degree entitled you too is a bill, but it can give you the skills to find better opportunities.”

“My mom has given me some great advice over the years and I would like to share one tidbit with you, we need to live within our means. Just because we want something or we feel like we have worked really hard doesn’t mean that we needs a new car every two years or all the new toys. Credit cards are not an extra paycheck.”

“I know that this was just general information and we need to back up and do one thing at a time. We need to make a plan that will work best for you and your needs. I think the first thing is the job, what kind of work would you like to do?”  

Week 4: What would you like to be paid to talk about?

Over the years I have wanted to be many things florist, psychologist, garbage man/woman, business owner, banker, environmental conservation and a consultant. Pretty much all of them have faded way, the only one that still would like to be is a consultant. But a consultant of what you may ask? Well of my own opinion, it would kind of be like a life couch. I can picture it now I have a beautiful corner office. I have a small desk off in the corner; I have comfortable yet modern furniture. The room has the feeling of respect and dependability. I could help people to achieve their goals in personal, business and undefined. I could just be there as a sounding board or a motivator. Someone they can trust to give it to them strait every time, I will have no other objective then there’s personal well-being.      

Week 4: Wishing? Lying? Dreaming? Dancing? Boxing? Cooking? What is writing like for you?

Writing to me is like a very intricate corn maze. I stand outside of the maze without fear of getting lost and thinking this will be a piece of cake. I take my initial step into the maze, around the first corner I quickly start feeling confused, I come to an intersection do I take a right or a left. I don’t stop to think about where I am within this maze; I just start moving out of instanced going as fast as I can. I have to force myself to stop and try to remember where I have been. Then I have to do a little backtracking this is when I recognize I have to take it a little slower. It isn’t about how fast I get out of the maze it’s about taken the right path. I have to choose the most effective way through so I’m not always having to turn around and going back to the beginning. But when I do get to the end no matter how long it takes I feel a sense of accomplishment.    

11. Try an I-said, he/she said conversation. Set the scene somehow.

It’s a Tuesday; I’m at work just like every week. We are close to the end of the day so Joe, Tom and I have started our closing duties. We are in a small kitchen so we can easily talk while we work. I’m back to my fellow employees when I hear Tom ask Joe

“Do you think a banana peel is really as slippery as on T.V.?”

A smile crept onto my face I know that this is going to be a good conversation.

“Well if you rub the peeling against themselves they are pretty slippery” Joe replied.

He cont “So yeah Tom I do believe that that they are pretty slippery” I could hear Tom laughing over the soapy dishes.

“Which do you think would be more slippery the banana or the peel?” I said wanting to expand on the conversation.

“Amy what the hell, the stuff we talk about at work.” said Tom.

“Tom I really want to know” I said in a very sarcastic tone.

I turn around to see Joe, he was really thinking about the question then he states

“Is it a green banana? What floor surface is the banana peel on? There are a lot of factors that need to be known before I can answer this question.”

At this point I know I started something I need to stop or it will go on forever.

“Joe there is no factors, just one or the other. The peel or the banana?” I ask.

“Well I’ll go with the peel.” Joe answers.

“I think it would be the banana” I say.

I look over to Tom he is shaking his head.

“No one would believe the stuff we talk about at work”